Today's lesson - no, mandate - Do NOT change yourself for others.
Thinking about, in the middle of, or finito with divorce, so many of us believe it will make a difference if we change for them. Kids, I'm talking about new relationships/love interests. "If I reach out this time, they will respond or want to see me." Ladies and gentlemen: It doesn’t happen.
I'm here today to express the importance of being you and loving yourself. Yes, maybe no one can understand why you text on a random day to check in on them, for instance, a friend, and if that’s how you roll, DO NOT CHANGE a thing. But today's world has become a cesspool of people just outright directing others. Chalk it up to the freedom folks feel from the outrageous online world where one can choose when and how they respond at a moment's notice. It's a great insight into who they are or how selfish they can be (is he/she an asshole or not? Check!)
How about this? Think that no one likes you. As PiNK says "So What"
Your inner workings have been with you since you were born. Yes, the way you grew up may have fostered your beliefs and theories about life, but ultimately your personality is your personality, and DO NOT CHANGE or ADAPT for anyone new in your life. I recently connected with someone I thought I had a lot in common with and could chat with for hours, yet I knew deep down in my gut there was something a bit off. I was RIGHT. It led to yet another ghosting episode. Sadly, this person, I believe, was ultimately insecure about so many things, yet chose to take that low road of “no response,” and, ugh, again, I felt like crap. Good thing I have a pretty tough exterior and get over that BS fast.
But at the end of the day, what TF is wrong with people who flat-out disappear? There are days they want to connect with you so badly that they stop responding when you do the follow-up work and say, yes, let’s make it happen. It frustrates me, and I am a super patient person who I like to think is kind, loving, and careful. I recently told a friend, "you are my friend, so I’m not going to apologize for being me and checking in on you when I’m worried and haven’t heard from you."
Friends, lovers, possible new interests: Why so many crickets? Then when they figure out you no longer give a flip to answer, they keep texting. What does that mean? And how long will you care?
Net net, people show their true colors these days, and we all know in our hearts when we're not being treated right. Remember, when the ghouls start to ghost, we're worth more. So much more. So be true to yourself, stay true to you, and don't settle for anything less than you deserve.
Xo,
Erin