This topic may apply to your marriage, your divorce, or a relationship you’re currently in, and we’re here to cover all angles so that, ultimately, you’re healthy (yep, that’s the one) and happy.
A lot of people stick out of a toxic marriage or relationship for the sake of their kids - or another reason entirely - and are miserable. They have lost themselves in being a parent, supporting their partner, or whatever. We’re all prone to it because it’s a daily routine: You’re up and rushing to get the kids to school or yourself and your partner to work. Then it's time to pick the kids up and cook dinner, put them to bed, unwind with a glass of wine, and do it all over again. Then you think, “what did I do” for me today?
Before you know it, you’re 50 or 60 years old, look in the mirror and say, “What the hell am I doing?”
Next up, you’ve been divorced for a year or two or more. You’re working and perhaps raising children with or without a partner. Your schedule hasn’t given up, but the one thing you have changed is the person causing you distress the most partially (at least) out of your life. However, now it’s a bit more complicated. You’re a single parent on some days, dealing with everything both parents would typically do. It’s like being a single pet owner who needs to run home and let the dog out.
You have a schedule you can deal with, however, and while it may be flexible, it can also be draining. Then you are trying to build a relationship with a newfound friend. OK, you first find them fun and caring, and he/she takes your mind away from your daily stressors. But in many instances, they become one of those stressors before you know it. S***.
Worst case scenario, here’s what toxic relationships look like:
There is a trust issue at stake that should be discussed.
There is zero intimacy.
There needs to be more communication; however, there is very little.
There is fighting.
You never go out together.
You repeat, “I love you out” of habit, not from true feelings.
There is mental or physical abuse.
You feel as if you are on a ship that is sinking.
You are depressed.
People ask if you are all right more times than you can count.
You are annoyed when your newfound friend contacts you.
You both lie to each other.
You cannot seem to keep it together emotionally or mentally.
Now the good stuff: Here’s what a happy, healthy relationship looks like:
You’re always happy to see each other.
You find yourself laughing daily.
You and your partner tell each other everything and cannot wait to share.
There is intimacy.
There is support when one is run down.
You both practice self-care to be your best for each other and, if there are any, for the kids.
You make decisions together, and there is a good balance.
And while there may be disagreements and a fight or two, they’re normal, more significant issues vs. the way the toilet paper faces.
These are just a few examples of what both types of relationships could look like. Which looks better to you? C’mon, you know which one, although unfortunately, some people thrive off the drama and are into it (stay far away from them and, for god’s sake, don’t become that), while others run from it (that one either). At the end of the day, while it may sound quite simple, the best advice we can give you is to look at the relationship you’re currently in and decide what will most help you be the happy, healthy woman or man you can be.
Xo,
Erin