“Well, I heard it on the street I heard you mighta found somebody new, yeah…
I took it all for granted But how was I to know That you'd be letting go.”
- Bryan Adams, “Cuts Like a Knife,”
1983
I once had a friend who loved another man. She knew this man for years before finally falling in love with him. However, he only saw her as a friend and never wanted anything more than that from her. To him, that was all they would ever be; friends. Between the texts – oh God, the readers – coffees, phone calls, etc. he made it very clear they would never be more than pals. This was painful enough for her to handle, but one day he started dating another woman after my friend had fallen in love with him! She could not take this betrayal, so she left town and went somewhere else to begin a new life where no one knew her, then returned home when she felt better and more confident about herself. Painful, huh? Let’s look at this a bit further:
When you love someone, and they don't love you back.
It’s not fair. It doesn’t feel right, and it hurts so much and sometimes feels like it will never end. You want to leave, but you can't because they won't let go of your hand, and the only way out is on their terms. Ouch. And even if they did let go, who would be there for you? Who would take care of your wounds?
Obviously, by now, you’ve figured out this ‘friend’ is yours truly. And I want things to work out so severely between this man and me, but I know deep down that there will never be anything more than friendship between us. Nobody else understands what I'm going through as he does, and nobody else knows exactly how this feels except him. And while maybe another person who’s been through something similar could relate, there are no guarantees regarding such matters, which makes things even harder on top of everything else mentioned above.
When you find someone you love but they are dating other people.
Friends, you are not alone. You feel you’ll never be able to compete with other people now. Whether that’s true or not, the actual reality is that they will likely never love you back. It’s how they’re wired. Your feelings are accurate and valid, but they won't change how your guy/girl feels about their current partner(s). Fact: They're dating someone else. It's no fun being in love with someone who isn't yours, but at least now we know why this happened because THEY ARE DATING SOMEONE ELSE!
The pain of loving someone that doesn't love you back is terrible.
It is like a knife cutting you over and over again. You can never forget about it, even if you want to. It hurts more than anything else that has ever happened to you. It is not like an ordinary hurt; it is a deep pain that goes straight through your chest and into your heart. No matter what else you do or how hard you try, it seems never to go away. It lingers there around every corner, waiting to pounce.
My conclusion? As I've said before, love is a complicated thing. It can hurt so much but also make us feel so good at the same time. We all experience it at one point or another because it is part of being human. If your partner has fallen for someone else, you can do nothing about it except accept that fact and move on. Remember, cuts heal and hang tough out there when things don’t work out.
My heart is with you!
Erin
Time to Dish:
Can you relate to this scenario?
Have you spoken to this person about it?
Are you feeling like a victim? Waiting + Waiting?
How are you going to move on?