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- Kids & Divorce Questions
One of the divorce's most challenging tasks is telling your kids that their lives will change forever. No matter their ages. There will be tears; looks on their faces you'll never forget; daunting sadness on everyone's part; screaming, and more. The worst? Knowing you're hurting them is horrible, but it's inevitable. And the hurt has no limitations. They may have been expecting it or had no clue. They are very young and will never remember the original family unit, or they're older and intuitive about divorce. Ultimately there will be a barrage of questions from your kids of all ages. Here are a few to prepare for: 1) Will we still be able to spend nights as a family together? 2) Where will we live? 3) Are you selling our house? 4) Who will move where? 5) Why are you getting divorced? 6) Why didn’t you try harder to keep our family together? 7) You never fought, so why are you getting a divorce? 8) What will our new schedule be? 9) Is it my/our fault? 10) Why is this happening to our family? 11) Where will we spend the holidays? 12) Does anyone else know about this? 13) Can I talk to my friends about this? 14)When will this happen...today...tomorrow...this month...this year? 15) What about our family vacations? 16) Why don’t you love each other anymore? 17) Do you hate each other? 18) Will we have to go to court? 19) I am SO sad; what should I do? 20) Are you dating someone else? The above are a few I’ve been privy to, but there are many more. The best you can do for your kids is just love and support them throughout all the stages, then find clarity quickly so they know what to expect next. That is super important because your children take things very literally, so be prepared to answer lots of questions and comfort your babies, whether they're toddlers or grown. Xoxo, Erin P.S. Here are Some questions of your own to figure out before you tackle the above: - Are you prepared to answer all of their inquiries? - Do you have a timeline for the process, fallout, and healing? - When exactly do you tell your kids (choose a specific date & time of day)?
- Dating: The three texts theory
Have you heard of the three texts theory in the dating world? If not, you are going to want to read this. When a woman or man sends three texts in a row, it drives one another away. Women are labeled as "crazy" or "psycho" (seriously). Men are labeled more flirty and exciting, ensuring that the person they are courting knows they are interested in moving forward with a possible dating situation. However, in recent years all dating sites have women in control - is this where this issue is stirring? Yet, the men decide whether they want to match with the women. A woman has to make the first move, which I thought was a good thing; however, over the years, I have felt that men need to have the option of taking the lead. There should be NO issues when taking dating situations offline to text or WhatsApp if it is mutual. Though there still is this theory. Let's face it; if you are interested in someone and want to meet in person instead of text dating, it takes coordination for both parties to feel comfortable. Sadly, almost all dating nowadays starts with a swipe or text. A simple text is tough enough when you are clueless about what you are getting into; then, being seen as crazy makes you even more hesitant to engage in the whole process. After all, if you can't handle a good text communication series, then he's/she's not worth your time. If they do not answer in a timely, respectful way - ditch them. Dating is hard enough when you are divorced - throw out the rules and theories and be true to yourself. Opinion: 3 text theories should be extinct.
- Emotions and Boundaries
One of the hardest things you do as a divorcee is to feel overwhelming emotions at times that you just burst into tears. It could be about anything, `and I am human. It could be because I see a happy moment, and it's not said; it's just emotional. I am a Leo; I feel things deeply and passionately…again I am human. When you are post-divorce, you will meet a ton of new people. Some come and go, and some stay around for years. Life continues with girlfriends, boyfriends, new friends, etc., and you choose a new path and keep on. Though sometimes, you must create boundaries for yourself and others you meet along the way. It’s hard sometimes and tears your heart apart, but you know it's for the best. Boundaries are needed because you could overdo yourself and take yourself down – take it from me – I have done it and continue to do it. Again, Human. However, you need to pull yourself and re-access: 1) Take care of yourself and only yourself when you feel overwhelmed. 2) Find a way, to seek out help to get projects completed you just cannot get to. 3) Listen to your favorite tunes, and of course, dance like no one is watching 4) Set time for friends and make sure you know your limitations. 5) Do not overcommit; no is not a bad word at all; it is a boundary word. 6) Exercise for endorphins because that is time for you. 7) Read Set Boundaries and Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab – it’s a must. Take care of yourself the rest will be just fine. Cheers! Erin
- Insights: Happy Mother's Day to Single Moms
As we enter Mother's Day, it is so crucial that you give yourself some credit where credit is due. You may be a single mother with no supporting partner or a single mother with an ex-partner; either way, you know that every day is a journey. Kids are on a fantastic journey, with many excellent and rough times. They test every piece of patience in our bones to our souls, which is super tricky, but you must maintain calm. Parenting is hard and even more complicated when trying to make decisions that affect all of the family or part of the family. You must stay strong during this period; you have to practice SELF-CARE. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to walk away and rest. Reaccess how you do all of it daily. Then know that you are not alone; many parents need a better support system, friends, family, or other resources. It would be best to celebrate yourself and all you give daily. Treat yourself to some of your favorite activities not just on a day dedicated to Mother, but each day savor a moment that reminds you that you are strong and brave single or not. Take care of yourself, and you will be a much better parent in the long run. Question: What do you do to take care of yourself? If you can not answer this --- we need to work on it together.